“You have cancer.” Surreal. Shocking. Terrifying. Isolating. It’s hard to find adequate adjectives. One thing we know though: we’ll never forget when, where, what happened, with whom, and how it felt.
I was walking down a short set of stairs talking on the phone to the nurse advisor, and the next thing I knew I was lying flat on my back at the base of the stairs. I didn’t hurt myself. Thank God. But I blanked out for a couple of seconds, and I honestly don’t recall falling.
I have a friend who told me the same thing. Understand that this wonderful man is a big dude. Strong and tall. A good guy. But despite his size and gender, when those words came to him, he fainted–literally fainted on the doctor’s office floor.
So what was next after hearing you have cancer? In my case, the nurse read off my pending to-do list. She wasn’t being nasty. Not at all. But she was very matter-of-fact about it, beginning with the immediate MRI and reviewing surgical options within the next week.
If you’re just starting to deal with the shock, know that you’re going to move on from here. You will set your treatment in gear, and you can find strength for the battle. But first:
- Give yourself permission to process this huge, demanding reality. Yes, there’s urgency, no matter the potential staging, but right now you’re in shock. Sit down. Breathe. What coping strategies have worked for you in the past? What ones haven’t? You know yourself, your own personality, and in your heart you know what you need. Do that.
- Treat yourself with compassion. No regrets allowed. No criticism. No shaming. You just took a big dose of very hard news. Don’t place unreasonable expectations on yourself. Acknowledge the situation for what it is, because it is what it is and you will be dealing with it for some period of time. Be honest, intellectually and emotionally.
- Share your news when and however feels best to you. Some people call loved ones immediately, and some need to take it in first. It’s your decision, but be intentional and understand that you do need a support team. I can’t even begin to tell you how important that is, but it’s also vital that you choose a team you trust.
- Make a short plan for your next steps, just for today. Focus on this day. Even a small plan helps you defeat the helpless feeling a cancer diagnosis imposes. You can’t control tomorrow, and never has that been more apparent to you. List a few small steps for this day. Of course, your advisor gave you a lot to think about and may have even helped you schedule all your most expedient appointments. Get the dates and times on the books enough to get started, but understand, nothing’s cast in cement necessarily yet. You have a place to start, and let that ease your mind for now, the first 24 hours.
- Think positive! Deliberately choose to hope for the best possible outcome. As I often say, hope is your best friend and cancer’s worst enemy.
Copyright © Marianne McDonough, 2020
Image: lakov Yakovley | Dreamstime
